“When you’re already gone.” The deep message from a father to his son
Wreporter shares with readers all the moving story of Rafael Zohler:
Death is always unexpected.
My father’s death was even more unexpected. He left when I was 27 and many musicians named “Club 27″. He was young, too young. My father was neither a musician nor a celebrity. The cancer does not choose its victims. It was when I was only 8 years and was large enough to miss him all my life. If I had died before, had not been back memories of him and not feel any pain, but then also arguably never had a father. And I do not remember, because I had, I had a father.
If he had been alive, he would have been able to rejoice with his jokes, I could have kissed my forehead before I go to sleep. Maybe I’d have to be a fan of your favorite football team and I would have explained some things much better than mom.
He never told me he would die soon. Even when I was in the hospital bed with tubes throughout the body did not say a word about it. My dad was making plans for next year though I knew no longer be among us next month. Next year we go fishing, we would travel and would know places where we had never been. Next year would be wonderful. That was our dream.
I think he thought that something like this would give me luck. Making plans for the future was his way of keeping hope. It made me laugh all the way. He knew what had to happen but never said anything, did not want me mourn.
One day my mother came to me suddenly to school and then went to the hospital. The doctor gave her the sad news as gently as he could. My mother began to mourn, he was a tiny hope. I was in shock. What did that mean? Is it not one of those diseases that doctors cure? I felt betrayed. I screamed in anger until I understood that my father actually was no longer with us. Then I also began to mourn.
Then something happened. A nurse with a small box under her arm came up to me. The box was full of envelopes with notes written instead of direction. The nurse gave me only one letter.
“Your father asked me to give you this box. He spent the week writing these letters and read it today wanted the first one. Be strong”.
In the envelope was written: “When you’re already gone.” I opened it.
If you’re reading this it means I’m dead, I’m sorry, I knew that would happen.
I did not want to tell you, I did not want lloraras. It was my decision. I think a person who is so close to death has the right to be a little selfish.
I still have much to teach, after all do not know practically nothing. So I wrote these letters. Do not open until the right time right? That will be our deal.
I love you. Take care of mom. Now you’re the man of the house.
P.S. I did not write letters to your mother, and I left the car.
His letter tangled and I could read with difficulty he calmed me and made me smile. My dad had come up with something, so original.
That little box became the world’s most important object for me. I told Mom not to open it. The letters were for me and no one else had read. I memorized what was written on the envelopes that I had to open. It was a matter of waiting until the time came for each one … and forgot about them.
Seven years later, after we moved to a new place, I had no idea where the box was. Simply I forgot where it might be and not actually sought. Until something happened.
Mom never remarried. I do not know why, but I want to think that my dad was the love of her life.
I looked everywhere in my bedroom and found the box in a briefcase that was above the closet. I saw the envelopes and realized that I forgot to open the letter, saying “When you give your first kiss.” I hated myself for that and decided to open it later. Finally, I found what I wanted.
Go and ask apologies.
I do not know what caused the fight and I do not know who is right, but I know your mother well. Go and apologize, that’s the best thing pudes do.
She is your mother loves you more than anything in the world. Did you know that she gave birth to you naturally because someone told you that this would be best for you? Have you ever seen a woman gives birth? Do you need any other proof of your love?
Ask forgiveness. She will forgive you.
She loves you, your father.
My dad was not a great writer, he was a simple employee of a bank, but his words had a great influence on me. They were words of wisdom, much more than I could have had my 15 years as now.
I promptly went to the room of my mother, I was crying when she turned to look me in the eyes. I remember I walked toward her with the letter in hand. She hugged me and spent some time there, silent.
We reconciled and we talked a little about the subject. It was as if he was there, sitting next to us. My mother, myself, and a small part of my father, a part he had left us both on a sheet of paper.
My dad was with me throughout my life. He was with me no matter who had died long ago. His words did what no one else could have: I got the strength to overcome the many difficulties in my life. He always knew how to make me laugh when all around seemed a nightmare and helped me clear my mind in anger.
The letter “When you marry,” I worried a lot. But not as much as saying “When you become a dad.”
Now you know what is true love, son. You understand how much you love her. But in reality, true love is that you feel for this little creature that is with you. I do not know if it’s a boy or a girl.
But …. enjoy it. The time will begin to pass very quickly, so it will be more closely. Do not miss the moment, because they will never return. Change her diapers, give baths, be a role model. I think you have what it takes to be as good a father as I was.
The most painful I’ve ever read in my life, and also the shortest letter was one of my father. I’m sure that when he wrote these four words as I was suffering so much. It took time, but eventually opened the envelope “When your mother die.”
Now she is mine.
That’s funny! … It was the only letter that does not put a smile on my face.
Already leaving jokes aside, being close to death I understood that we care a lot about things that really do not matter. Do you think something will change, son?
Do not be silly, be happy.
I always hoped forward to next time, the next card, another lesson that my father would have for me. It’s amazing what a man of 27 years can teach an old 85 and in which I became.
Now confined to a hospital bed with tubes in my nose and throat because of this damn cancer, I run my fingers through the paper and faded from the last letter left for me to open. The phrase “When your time has come” and can be read only on the envelope.
I do not want to open. I’m scared. I can not believe that my time is near. No one believes that one day die.
Deep breath, and open the envelope.
Hello son. I hope you’re as old.
Do you know? This was the first letter I wrote and was the easiest of all. It is a letter that freed me from the pain of losing you. I think the mind is awake when you feel you’re near the end. It is easier to talk about it.
These last days here I’ve thought about my life. It was short but very happy. I was your father and your mother’s husband. What more could I ask? That gave me inner peace. Now do the same.
My only advice: do not be afraid.
P.S: I miss you so much
Translation and adaptation: wreporter
Cover photo: 500px